Things have been REALLY, REALLY hard for you lately, golden_eve Could it be possible that you're likely just under a lot of stress? I'm not sure. Perhaps there are other underlying reasons for it. I hope you're talking about it with your Therapist as it seems like something REALLY important to talk about. Please keep posting here if it help you to figure it out. I hope other wise posters will be able to offer you better insight as I'm not really good at it Write your feelings in a journal every day. I believe you're already doing that. That's good! Keep writing. I'm sure it will help you. Sending many safe, warm hugs and many happy and positive vibratons to you, golden_eve, and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you!