Yes. I remember everything I did while I was manic until the psychosis set in. I blacked out for a lot of that period. My behavior was scary and extreme. I remember bits and pieces of it now. Most of the time something like a dream or a song will trigger a new memory. I am shocked every time something new comes back to me. I still cannot believe half of the stuff I said and did. It was like I was possessed. My poor husband had a front row seat for all of it, but he keeps it to himself. He doesn't like talking about it and he doesn't want to trigger me. He just confirms my memories as they come back to me. I would give anything to rewind time and not put him through what he had to endure while I was sick. The same goes for my children. They only saw some of it, but I traumatized them. They bring up things I said sometimes and I'm horrified each time.
|