There's no reason for me to feel confused, stressed, and anxious. H got up at 3. I haven't told him anything that is going on with me. IDK, I see new T in 10 days. She's going to hate me too just like the last 3 did. I don't want to waste T's time just sitting there, ending conversations unintentionally. It's not like she can see me a lot so I guess I'm worth $X every month. Maybe group therapy so I don't have to talk. People scare me though. I don't even talk to cashiers. If I do I apologize. Hell I talk to H through text. This silence is killing me. I need to cut my hair really, really short. This is so uncomfortable. I feel nothing and guilt at the same time. WHY CAN'T I JUST TALK? I'm typing this but there's no way I could actually say any of this. It's not worth the fight and talking. Maybe therapy isn't right for me. Every three months for meds are fine. (Until I get paranoid) . Maybe I'm not a severe as I think I am. Maybe what I'm feeling is normal, I spent so much time on this post and it says nothing. That's why I erased my other post in the check in. If I'm depressed I wish it was the sleepy , flu like one. Not the one where I'm stuck "behaving" for fear of consequences.