It sounds like your mother lacks the patience when it comes to dealing with others, including her grandchildren. You should not have to stress about your house when she comes to visit, or that you could not seem to find the shoes for your son and just put what you could find on him. You are a busy mother with a three year old and three year olds can be a challenge to keep up with., Your house is not going to always be perfectly clean or in perfect order. Also, it sounds like when your mother's patience has worn out she just wants the problem gone and expects others to hop in when she feels things are not going HER way.

It's been a lot of years since your mother had the responsibilty of a three year old child. Also, she needs to learn that you are going to run your home the way you want and her role now is to RESPECT that and make sure that when she comes into your home and your world that what is more important is that you don't feel a need to PLEASE her with a clean house and running things according to her anymore.