well... i understand what you are saying... but they still have the choice to abuse or not to abuse... most abuse survivors didn't have healthy attachment... and most have chosen not to hurt and wound others... so what causes some to cross that line?... i think it's important to understand the reasons for abusive behavior... but not let them off the hook because of it... i have made excuses for my abusers for so long that i need to get to the place that i hold them accountable for what they CHOSE to do... and stop holding myself responsible... does that make sense? because they chose to hurt me i am the one in therapy... i am the one with ptsd and they are seemingly unscathed... lyn