I thought I would add a little bit more here this morning. When I was going through those psychotic breaks I realized that I was going through a type of long term panic state. I was seeing special meaning in all these events that were happening. The delusion I was having at the time was I thought I was in this contest with this supernatural power or entity. Sometimes things that happened, I saw as a sign that I was losing the contest and then something else would happen and I thought I was winning but the contest was never over. I was seeing synchronistic meaning in almost everything.
I listen to this you tube video this morning where the speaker said that when people take psychedelics they start to see meaning in everything. He said that people normally have a filter in their brain that prevents them from seeing meaning in everything otherwise they could never get anything done.
I think that it is important to see some meaning in certain things and that our lives have some meaning.
I guess I just needed to clean or change my filter so I could start to get something meaningful done. Trying to not take things so seriously certainly help me make it through.