Ezrigirl, I thought when we were on chat and I had to go because my mom wanted me to get offline and take a shower you said I was your friend. This really disappoints me and especially your last post. You know from speaking to me yesterday I speak from the heart and I am going to do it right now as well. I think you are in a bad place right now and I also think you know that as well. You can't get that from online friends who are also suffering and also many from abuse asking and telling them you are looking to hurt. That is just not right. It is harmful not only to your well being, but to them as well. I am not a Therapist or a Psychiatrist and don't exactly know what you need, but I feel you do need professional help for this. If this isn't what you want to here well I am sorry, but I am speaking from my heart because I care.