im probably bugging you guys lol but im scared.

i have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. i have never liked anyone else that way since ive been with him. i guess i always noticed people's flaws right off the bat and were not impressed by anyone.

well his anxiety issues have been killing me lately and it feels like my feelings for him are dying. feels like we hardly ever have "good days" and when we do theyre usually ruined by something little that gets out of hand.

well lately i have not been able to stop thinking about my T.A. for my invertebrates class. I don't know what it is about him but I haven't felt like this about someone in a long time. I feel like a 13 year old girl with a crush again.

I guess Im just scared about what it means. I don't know if it's because I have been feeling numb towards our relationship so its like anything new that comes along just excites me. Or if Im already over my boyfriend and were not even broken up. I don't want to leave him or lose him. I know that he has everything I look for in a person. It has just been so hard because he lets his anxiety get the best of him.

He flips out over nothing. Hes so paranoid that people hate him and hears tones in what people say when the tones aren't there. He expects that anytime someone calls him its to yell at him. He has ulcers because of his anxiety and his immune system is so down that he has been sick since before thanksgiving.

I finally went off 2 days ago. I listed everything in his life that he blames on outside influences but is really caused by his anxiety. I asked him what it was going to take for him to realize that he is sabotaging himself. And I told him that I don't have feelings for him anymore because he has killed them. All feelings I had are just gone. Every time I start to feel good about us something happens. I just can never build up that sense of security or even being physically attracted to him.

But at the same time, I wouldn't want to end this on a whim for something I couldn't know would work out. I just don't know why I can't get this guy out of my mind. And it doesn't help that during lab I catch him looking at me and smiling.

I want to walk over and say "dont do that! be a jerkface so i can hate you!" argggg...... I don't know what to do. I feel like there is no one I can talk to about this.