Survivors of abuse need validation, comfort, compassion, understanding and most of all, to rebuild a sense of value, of self, of self esteem and self worth.

Victim blaming in no way shape or form helps the victim of abuse to heal. All it does is make one feel that much worse, for having fallen for an abuser.

Abusers can be MOST charming, they can lay it on THICK in the beginning, they can be MOST LOVING, and then change over time.... abuse can be extremely insidious, and not obvious at first.

So people who try and blame the victim for even getting involved with an abuser to begin with are barking up the wrong tree. ANYONE can fall for an abusive personality. That is written in psychology articles and books. Even the most intelligent and accomplished people can fall victim.

I do not like hearing, stop being the victim... that does NOT help the healing process after abuse. When someone has endured abuse, they ARE a victim, and they were victimized. Like I said, the victim needs validation and to rebuild their sense of self worth again and value.... not made to feel awful and stupid for having gotten involved.

People on here, on PC, who are trying to "help" may not be helping at all, and in fact, may be making things worse for the victim.

So please keep all of this mind, while you are trying to support an abuse victim.