Ezrigirl is there anything we can do to support you? Is there anything that has helped you in the past when you have been in a rough place? I think you know we are not going to suggest you drink alcohol. I am not here to judge either, but the only options I see are to offer you emotional support, or offer up some alternative, healthier suggestions. I have found this to be a very supportive community here and hope you find it to be the same. I have seen a lot of great people working to do their best given the difficult mental health situations they have been dealt and to empower others to do the same. As we are all struggling with mental illness it's important for us all to feel this is a healthy environment, so please don't encourage others to engage in unhealthy behaviors like drinking. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. I am really sorry you are feeling like this and hope you find a healthier way to cope.