I feel it's a secret, even for the people who have it. I was listening to a mental health university professor today saying that being anxious and depressed and suicidal and addicted are understandable in the face death and meaningless of life, but what is a mystery are those who live and strive to be better. I totally agree. As I said, there seems to be a seed of life in most people. A biased hope. I had it before, but I have lost it, and haven't been able to retrieve it back. Life is just a meaningless place. A prison as I see it. An arena I was put in with monsters to struggle with, until the giant monster of death comes and kick me out defeated. This is how I view life. Why would someone want to bring children to this world!! People say they prefer to live even if they struggle most of their lives. This is a puzzle for me. Anyone feels like this, or it's just me?