So I'm pretty sure I've been having delusions since I was around 14-15 where I was convinced someone was levitating outside my window waiting to kill me and if I didn't close the curtains they would (idk how closing curtains helped but it did) and its kinda just been downhill since then.

I have many fears around ghosts and shadow people (especially the fear that they're trying to hurt me in some way), I have fears that people are monitoring me and telling my boss about it (this was especially common at my old job) or that people are just monitoring me in general. I remember at my old job I liked to have my music playing as I took out the trash so that the people watching me could hear it.

I also feel as if nothing is real, that its a simulation that's catering to me yet somehow hates me. Like I talk to people online but I sometimes think they aren't real and only serve to make me happy. Like I know it could be coincidental and there's a lot of evidence against it but I cant shake that feeling that this is all lines and code. Heck I like to say I exist but a bit to the left sometimes with how my body feels (if that makes sense)

Ever so often I get a spike in a weird belief that I'm somehow 'more important' than others and that I'm being monitored cause of that.

Problem is that I can tell this are all really weird to believe in. I know, on some level, these aren't real but I still do stuff and change how I behave to stop the anxiety surrounding these issues. Like I sleep certain ways and do certain things just to make myself feel safe. Can this happen? Can you be utterly convinced by something yet know its not real?