I feel like I’m going insane. No matter how much I talk about it with him, no matter how much he reassures me that although it’ll happen it won’t be sudden (and I guess it’s up to me), I can’t shake off the intense fear I get from it. Even him saying things like “it’s good to experience healthy endings” sets me off. It’s like a physical pain in my stomach. I know it’s absurd and pathetic to say this, (and untrue), but the anxiety makes me feel like I won’t survive it when it does happen. Of course I know it will end at some point, but I want it to be up to me, when I’m ready.

There hasn’t been any talk of ending anytime soon, this is just me being an idiot and reacting to something that hasn’t happened but that terrifies me to no end. I’m driving myself crazy.