I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time.  Here's a link to DocJohn's article, from PC's archives, on the subject of how to let go of past hurts:
Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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