I posted on here last night about wanting to give my therapist a small gift in recognition that we started therapy 3 years ago. But then I felt self-conscious and deleted the post. This morning I woke up and realized there are a lot of feelings around my ambivalence about acknowledging this "anniversary". I hesitate to call it that, but don't know what other word to use. I ended up crying for an hour and writing down what I was feeling, which made me realize I probably do need to offer him the gift along with what I wrote. I'm really nervous about bringing these things up with him because I know it's going to make me feel very vulnerable. I've realized that I feel like I was some sort of chump in my relationship, that it felt one-sided a lot of time and that I don't know if he even actually loved me. In therapy, I feel a lot of real emotions about him and our relationship and I really, really don't want to be made a fool of again in any relationship. Acknowledging this "anniversary" is making me feel like a complete fool. But I do acknowledge it and I can't change that. He has been important in my life for the last 3 years. He's probably going to love this crap, but it hurts.