Hullo Brett,
Welcome. Unfortunately for me, your worst-case scenario came true. My wife of nine years just couldn't deal with my BPD and bailed out after two years of treatments. When I look back now, I think that bringing her into the therapy process would have been a huge help. I think, right up until the night she left, she really didn't understand what I was trying to cope with, and thought the medicines would make it go away like a flu bug. The inability to communicate that this illness brings makes things particularly dicey. I know many of my reactions to things she said or did hurt her. I only wish I could have communicated better that I really wasn't in control of my brain chemistry, and the hurt was unintentional. I'd suggest you take action on the therapy front as soon as you can. The longer the misunderstandings go on, the greater the resentment becomes, I think. I really empathize with you. My marriage was the most important thing in my life, and in two short years a wonderful relationship was in shambles. Ironically, I just posted a poem on Creative about the first kiss between my ex-wife and I when we were at university. And yes, I still miss her everyday, even though we divorced in 1998. I think the others are spot on: with a good therapist as a facilitator, I think you can potentially avoid many of the pitfalls that did in my own marriage. Cheshire Cat