Thank you so much for the encouragement! I'm trying hard not to forget all of the bad things. I know it won't lead to anything good and that he won't change. As much as I keep trying to tell myself that, I still feel this pull. I'm trying so hard to stay away from him. We don't live near each other and I rarely see him thankfully, and he hasn't tried to contact me in over a year now.

I'm just so frustrated with myself that I can't let this go. Yes I'll keep reminding myself of all the misery he caused me. At the same time though I don't want to keep ruminating on this relationship. I feel like he still has a hold on me and on my life.

I'm sorry for venting. I haven't told anyone close to me. I think it would shock my close friends if they knew I still thought about him so often. I saw a therapist for a few months after we first broke up, then I stopped seeing her because I moved. Maybe I need to go back.