Artie, I'm drinking so take this with a grain of salt. Just from what I see here, you love your husband and he loves you. It's not perfect, but is anything? You have a son that you love so much. He's becoming an adult and you're a proud Mom. You have love in your life. You don't have to change anything or you can change everything. Whatever you do, you have love. If you feel like you need to leave your marriage and go explore what your sexuality means to you, that's okay. You can leave your husband and still love him. The two aren't mutually exclusive. You have a child together and a history together. That doesn't vanish if you leave. If you stay, that's okay too. You can take as long as you need to decide what's best for you.