Maybe complaining about not having the thing you want is a passive way of making your needs known rather than coming out and directly stating it? Maybe this is a way of self protecting out of fear of rejection? I strongly dislike the idea that people "Play the victim" I have found that victimized people are victims and it affects everything they do, so I would never shame or blame them. I believe we are responsible for our own actions and we teach people how to treat us but a predator goes after people and makes them victims- no one chooses that. So no. I do not think you are playing the victim.