Conformity is something I've struggled with all my life. I have difficulty accepting how the world works, that I need to be someone else to fit in, and this someone else is fake.

I heard about Nihilism and Existentialism but not Absurdism. I was told I have existential crisis, which is probably true. But I think I agree with the Anti-Natalism philosophy in that it is better never to have been, and that life is just full of suffering and bringing children to this world is a mistake. It doesn't treat how one should live, though, as far as I understand. Which is to say, OK, I was born and I cannot do anything about it, and I suffer and experience pain all my life and then die, but we have control to decide not to bring children to this world, and be part of perpetuating the suffering and pain. It's about self-imposed extinction. Many people don't like this view. This comes down to something I asked about in another thread: why people have a strong desire to live despite the suffering and pain? What makes people tick? It's a mystery to me. I feel I am missing something others have. I am afraid of death and poverty and would like to be acknowledged, but this isn't enough for me to strive to live and be better!!