You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, Nxious. Don't let this temporary phase of loneliness and unemployment derail you from the path you're meant to be on.

I hate living alone -- it seems to amplify my anxiety disorder something fierce. I have panic attacks when I'm alone in my apartment. Right now, I'm temporarily living with a roommate and my anxiety level has been low.

Since you are unemployed etc.,. why not look for a good roommate situation to move into with a couple of other college-age, early 20-something guys? You would have instant camaraderie, company, and some social interaction that would definitely alleviate your anxiety that you feel when you go back to your empty apartment. Something to consider anyway.

Also, here's a suggestion: go teach English abroad for a year. Pick a country, find a program, apply , and then go enjoy the adventure of teaching your native language abroad. I did that after college and had an adventurous year I'll never forget. All you need is a college degree. There are a TON of those teach abroad opportunities online. You just need to do the research to find the right one. Travel always helps.

And, you can choose a program that pays for your room and board (most will anyway), so all you'd need to come up with, is the airfare to fly to whatever country the teach abroad program is located. I worked a crappy hotel job for 3 months to get the airfare for myself and was paid in Yuan every week (very bad exchange rate, but I had a 2 bedroom furnished apartment rent-free for one year) and free food on campus and enough money to spend at the food markets and movie theater and mall in town for a year. Seriously, consider it, ok? You're not working so it is the perfect opportunity.

Finally, you can go on YHA's website and apply to work at a hostel abroad. You can even do that here. I know several people who did that b/c they wanted to move to San Francisco so they applied to the YHA hostels in San Francisco, got hired, and stayed in their hostel where they worked, until they found apartments. It is totally doable, fyi. Again, you only need to get airfare once you get the job.

If neither of those opportunities appeal to you, then I suggest finding social groups via Meetups, or creating your own Meetup, based on your anti-natalism philosophy or an off-chute of that, or something fun you like to do for free.

When I need social interaction, I force myself to attend meetups. I joined a karaoke meetup and went to the inaugural one last week and was so nervous, that I couldn't remember the melody of the song I chose, so I did a weird, comedy-spoken-word performance versus singing the song. People laughed and it broke the tension. I made a total idiot of myself, but I had fun.

Finally, studies have been done to show that people who talk to themselves are EXTREMELY intelligent. I talk to myself outloud all the time and I'm no dummy.

You are in a slump right now, feeling rudderless in life. I've been there so I know what you are feeling. It sucks. But you can find your way out of that haze. Just have to take a few steps in different directions until you see the light again. Darkness is only good for sci-fi characters like Gollum in LOTR, not real intelligent people.