Thanks for your post and suggestions.
Why do you think I am young and I would get along with people in their early 20s? I am in my late 30s
I guess I am not old, but I am definitely not young.
Social isolation and fear are at the core of my issues. A few years ago I was working and paid well, but still felt empty and depressed, because every night I was coming to an empty apartment, and with no friends to go out with, although I was calling and suggesting to people I knew to go out, but no one was interested. Now being unemployed makes things multiple times worse.
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... Just have to take a few steps in different directions until you see the light again ...
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I need to do this. I need hope. I need to believe to take the first steps of change. But first I need to accept that the past is the past, and I cannot change it, before I can move forward. Others may have taken their chances earlier than me, which is hard to know, but if I stay like this I will never get my chance.