First of all, you're doing great. I'm glad you have a good T to work through this stuff with. I don't have much advice but your story echoes in my own life. As a teenager I would get hysterically upset (I had good reason to) and would be told to 'just stop it or else'. I didn't know how else to get the hurt out and started cutting. It took me a long time to feel comfortable expressing my hurt instead of harming myself and the urge to do so has been a life long struggle but it gets easier