Artie -- I think you're doing a great job trying to balance life. I really admire you and your strength. Even when you don't see it, I do and I think the rest of the forums does too. That doesn't mean things aren't hard or confusing. I'm not trying to minimize it for you. Just saying your doing a good job.

As far as needing and wanting your T, I don't think that's "wrong" or "weird". Why are you trying to convince yourself of that? Your T sounds like a great person and a great fit for you. You want to be with a person like that. It would be weird if you didn't want to be with her, imo.

I love my T and hope she remains in my life until one of us dies. And L...it's probably too early, but I think I love her too. I love spending time with them. We're always laughing while doing the work. I just really enjoy my time with them. Do you think that's weird for me? I'm guessing not (though it's okay if you do!). If it's okay for me, why isn't okay for you?

Well my opinion is write an email to L tonight, but don't send it! When you wake up later tomorrow, reread it. If it sound coherent enough, then send it. Just don't send it while intoxicated