As I sit here consumed with guilt and fear I wonder if I will ever NOT be depressed and full or worry. I'm 39, morbidly obese and have two wonderful kids that I am not ready to leave behind. I just had an echocardiogram yesterday and wont have my results until next Friday and I'm unsure of how to go about these days of waiting and worrying. I know I need to exercise, but what if something is wrong with my heart? Maybe I should just stay in bed like I always do...either laying down playing on my phone or sitting up playing cards with my son who is 14 and just wants to see his mom well. I dont find real interest in anything anymore and it scares me to think that I'll be stuck like this forever. It's causing me to question my faith. Why would God create a person just to suffer day in and day out? I'm angry and bitter as I watch others live so easily. I'm lonely. I'm afraid. Getting to the point where I almost just don't want to care because I'm not enjoying my life anyway so what does it matter if it ended? Not suicidal, just the whole going to sleep hoping not to wake up scenario.

Has anyone else faced all of this? Anyone have heart disease at a young age? I suspect I do but friday will tell me what's going on. Thanks for reading.