I think I'm lifting out of my dark spot a bit now, Im starting to feel much better.

You were all right about telling him what I was feeling. He broke down crying in front of me last night, because he was sick of me keeping things in. He said he didnt understand why I couldnt tell him when I was feeling depressed/alone/scared, and was sick of finding out on facebook how I was feeling, seeing endless status updates "megan is feeling down" and "Megan just doesnt know what to do anymore..."

It has opened my eyes a bit now. On sunday I was looking at my new marks and I realised that if I carry on like this then Im just going to lose him. Before now I'd always knew I wasnt well and Ive always wanted to help myself, but I felt like I didnt have the strength to do so. Now, I have a reason to fight. So Im going to really try this time.

I rang up every single one of my closest mates and arranged to meet them throughout the week so I wasnt alone. I bought a new book to read at night when I couldnt get to sleep. I finaly told my dad how I was feeling. Ive applied for a few jobs in the past few days, which makes me seem like Im doing something with my life. I booked my driving test which ive been putting off. The drinking/cutting/slightly overdosing on painkillers is going to stop, Im going to beat my record this time

Ive even changed my status on facebook to something more positive!

And Ive told myself that whenever I get them awful feelings of jealousy/paranoia/anger etc that always makes us argue, Im just going to put it past me and let it go, because I know that them feelings come out of nowhere.
Thanks for the support guys, and I promise Im going to give it all Ive got this time!

babyg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx