I was going to see the film the Matrix at 8pm tonight!Visit mum at hospital first.I visited mum Thursday and nurses left her on bed pan unattended for twenty mins and she got back pain.I told the nurse off told her mum was blind and had Charles Bonnet syndrome which means she hallucinate and has no spatial awareness or sense of time.She just dismissed me!Well today I was visiting and they asked me to leave while they put mum on commode and they left her alone again with curtains round her and she was screaming in pain and I alerted them but they ignored me.Then there was an almighty crash!Mum had fallen off the commode and banged her forehead on the bed and cut it open blood everywhere and a deep gash.Shr had to have stitches and a CT scan.My sister rushed to hospital who is a narc and I hadn't seen her for 5 years cos she abused me severely over 40 years.But today she was good and I remembered her when she was loving.She came and could see both mum and I were in shock!Anyway I blamed myself for what happened to mum I tried to warn the nurses but they ignored me.Then when I left a taxi driver for the firm I use now remembered me for when he worked for the firm I usedc7 years ago that I used to complain about the route and he shouted and verbally abused me!

I am very upset I feel that everyone is nasty and selfish andbuncaring.I am tired and lonely.I feel mum and I are unloved and unwanted.I am in a lot of emotional pain.I want to cry but the tears are stuck and won't come out.I feel lost and abandoned.I am at the cinema complex but don't want to go in and see the film and be surrounded by people who don't care!

If anyone here can console me and emotionally support me I'd appreciate it.I am in shock for what happened to mum because of the nurses neglect and I feel guilty cos I was there when it happened and I didn't do enough to help mum.I feel it's my fault.I am full of self hatred and pain.I love my sister still she subjected me to 40 years abuse.We are stuck together looking after mum who forgets who she is where she is what year it is it is so painful.I don't know how to take care of my own feelings right now yet alone mum.I can't see the film as planned and I am going home to an empty house.I wish I could end it all I am fed up of the pain and being hated and the self hatred!