Hey all. I hope you're having a good weekend.

I wanted to know what your immediate red flags were when you meet someone for the first time? And I don't just mean in a romantic way. I mean in general, including potential friendships.

So, 2 weeks ago a woman came up to me on the train because I looked sad (it was a bad day for me) and asked if I was okay. I thanked her for asking me and we spoke for a bit. She recommended this spiritual healing center for members of our community. We're both black and a part of the LGBT community (but we both identity as queer) and we're both young, around the same age. She asked for my number and we parted ways. That center is legit, by the way. I know people who go there and I actually wanted to go.

I don't know if my history of abuse is playing a role in my feelings or what but I'm already on guard because of how they're coming off. I've had toxic relationships and I know what to look for because of those experiences and through learning about myself in therapy but I don't want to self-storage this potential friendship, you know?

These are some of the red flags I'm seeing:

1) After a few days of talking to each other, she's been pressuring me to do things I don't want to do just yet. I don't mean sexually but she wants me to go to that group I previously mentioned. I have social anxiety disorder so going to meetups and things like that are hard for me and I have to be patient with myself because I really need to gather the energy to go. However, that's a story for another time. Anyways, she would not take no for an answer, even when I told her about my social anxiety and anxiety attacks. I felt forced to give an explanation and she STILL kept pressuring me. I told her I would go on my own time and she apologized and said she would stop...only to bring it up again as a joke later on. Pressuring me to do things makes me highly uncomfortable.

2) Within the first 2-4 days I met her I already know her self-esteem is low. Now, my self-esteem can be low, too. That's not the problem. The problem is you putting yourself down a couple of days after we met and I already have to be your therapist and raise it back up. It's one thing if we knew each other for a while. It's another thing entirely if it's only been a couple of days.

3) She questioned my spiritual beliefs. I like discussions about spirituality so, again, that's not the problem. But when you're coming up with arguments against my beliefs to prove that I'm wrong, then that just doesn't sit right with me. I don't like that. I don't do that with other people. We are all free to believe in what we want. Why feel the need to question others' beliefs? If it's coming from a place of curiosity, fine. But this wasn't only coming from a place of curiosity and she admitted it came from a place of skepticism, as well.

Those are all within 2 weeks of meeting this woman. I feel like I'm overreacting. I want to open up to others and bring more people into my life but I want to take things slow. I think vulnerability in any relationship is important but not immediately. I already know deep things about her because she self-disclosed way too fast and I felt like self-disclosing to balance things out but I'm being very cognizant of that.

Anyway, that's my story. I want so hard to make friends with other queer people of color and I was happy I met this woman so we could be friends. However, these things have been lingering on my mind. I think I'm going to give her a chance but I'll keep these things in mind. Thanks for reading.