Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote
Hi Wander!
I am hoping the increase i9n meds is helping a bit by now.
I do understand, to some degree, the situation you find yourself in with your mom. It can be so very hard to understand why the same person who loves us so much could also be the source of (or somehow condone) so much pain.
I am not sure of how to resolve that conflict entirely. I do think it may be most helpful to you, for now, to accept your mom's love?
There may also come a time when you may need to confront her for what has gone on in the past. It seems clear that your memories of that, your conflicts around that, may not resolve on their own. You may need to confront this issue head-on, while in a safe environment?
I do think you will know if/when you will need to take this up with your mom.
(Sometimes I should just be quiet, too!  )
I hope/pray you will gain each and every day.
Keep us posted!
Much Love~ 
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Thanks WC. Sending hugs to you in your struggles.
As my Mum is nearly 70 years old I feel bad if I cause her more stress, especially over the horrific events in my childhood that she was unwittingly caught up in. However, as you have stated it may be for the best for both of us. It is tearing my mind apart knowing her deep love now and constraining it to such devastating behaviour in the past. I will probably get my parents and I to talk through this with my T soon.
I do love my Mum deeply and treat her with respect. Talking with her may be my only safe way out of this hell. Knowing the police would be on my tail made me pause but Last night I nearly ran away. I can’t take much more of this frantic panic. I’m hardly sleeping and although worn out I cannot wind down. Anyway, thanks for caring.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features
PTSD
"Phew! For a minute there I lost myself."
'Karma Police' by Radiohead