I am not saying it will be easy (Lord knows that would be a lie) but there is always something in "lieu of love" ,it could be simple or something completely dysfunctional ,ultimately it takes a strong person to do that deep dive .you will uncover some goofy stuff along the way ,its not a trip you take for the scenery ,dont let the goofyness of other things distract you from your goal ,in all likeliness when you have your answer on the love ,you will be able to fill in the blanks on other mysteries new and old.

Ultimately we are a composite of our experiences ,you may discover a habit or something self defeating that exists in you , that is a remainder of what your parent considered love ,it's not always easily identified and may be harmless ,but knowing what it is and why it is,is half the battle .