I'm getting paranoid again and it's not good. I think I'm doing this to myself. Intrusive suicidal thoughts most days, nightmares most nights, it's not fun at all. I don't even think I'm in a mood episode right now, maybe I am but I just can't tell. My parents keep asking me if I'm okay, I say yes but deep down I know I'm not.

I'm a passenger on this roller coaster and I'm about to hit the drop.