Hello Sleepyem: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though you are having a difficult time adjusting to life in the city. I can relate to that. I grew up in & around small towns. But I've now lived in a large metropolitan area for the past... oh... 25 years or so. And, while I'm adjusted to it now, it took a while. I still miss the quiet & solitude of a rural area though.

You mentioned having recently been through a bereavement from suicide. Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that offer suggestions for coping with grief & loss. The second article, by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. provides links to additional articles on the subject of grief & loss. The third article is one of which I myself am especially fond:

Coping In The Aftermath of Suicide | Healing Together for Couples

Coping with Grief | Psych Central

What My Dog Taught Me about Grief and Loss

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.