I am at the lowest point in my life. I don't even know what to do anymore. I haven't worked in many years, have no prospects, am alone, and have almost no one. My mind is filled with constant thoughts of failure, how terrible of a person I am, how much of a burden I am to the few remaining family members still alive, etc. I can't get these thoughts out of my head and I feel like life is pointless.

It's so painful. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this mental torment. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I feel like God is punishing me for a reason I can't understand; I feel like I am radioactive and everyone I meet hates me and everything I touch turns to ****. I never leave the house and I am constantly reminding myself how I have wasted over a decade of my best years as a hermit.

I have never married, have no kids and this bothers me. I see everyone else in fulfilling relationships and wonder why that can't be me. I see other people working, making money, living independently and I wonder why I can't do the same. i am not a stupid person and I am a fairly attractive. Why I am such a failure illudes me.

I know I should not worry about the past as it cannot be changed, but I just cannot, or at least I will need help doing so.