Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyCake
i have been married for 3 years. after 3 years now, my husband and i often get into arguments that we quarrel about the stupidest thing. but the problem is, whenever we get into argument, my husband has this bad temper problem and often ask for a divorce, whenever, i hear that, i respond hysterically and would start having suicidal thoughts. - i had mild depression issues in the past, but recovered. it seems that the word "divorce" triggers my behavior.
i have told him not to mention the word divorce and to work on his anger management problems but things do not change. i have suggested that we go for marriage counselling together but he rejects the idea as well. i m just feel so tired and meaningless about life nowadays.
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Before you got married, did you share your history of sexual abuse by a family member with your husband? Did he show you empathy or was he dismissive of your feelings?
The fact that he clearly ignores your clearly communicated boundaries to him -- that the word 'divorce' triggers a negative emotional response in you -- tells me that deep down, he really doesn't respect you as a human being. What he's doing, is definitely a form of emotional abuse.
And, it's insidious if he's doing it, KNOWING that you have issues from your history of sexual abuse from your childhood, which creates trauma that never goes away but the symptoms can be managed. He's intentionally triggering you b/c he is an immature, psychologically manipulative jerk, anytime he verbally abuses you.
If he won't go to marriage counseling, I would think about seeking counseling for yourself so that you can determine if this marriage is one you want to invest in long-term, or find an escape plan for. After all, 3 years is long enough to know if the person you're with is good for you or not. And if not, better to divorce NOW than stay in an abusive, unhealthy, toxic marriage.
Sorry you find yourself in this situation. I hope you can find your way out of it.