I was gifted with some attributes that set me apart from the crowd as a kid and not in a good way which drew in bullies from all directions. Even tho all but one of these things arent relevant anymore my mind has hung on to them so that subconsciously they are still there, right at the center of my every decision it seems. I guess what I mean is that the way I percieve my self image is prolly not what others see but I give off the vibe of a person with issues and its picked up by others. I am very socially awkward, not quick witted. I will find myself always thinking to myself, I should have said this or that but cant come up with those words when they are needed.

Another thing I wanted to ask is I grew up as an only child. I dont know if this is related to that but I find myself having these I guess you could call them daydreams or fantasies out of nowhere. Its usually when something isnt going well and Im feeling very insecure. I have always also talked to myself ALOT. To the point where if Im around other people I will find someone looking at me weird so I'll kind of cover it by started to cough or hum like I was singing to myself or something. I really feel pretty idiotic at this point when this happens and I dont know if this is a sign that I have some kind of underlying psychosis or what the deal is. CEN is what drew me to this site so I am looking into this as well.

I just sometimes wish that all of the brain HP I use up thru the day wasnt spend on all my internal bullS**t I would probably have gone alot further in life. I just feel so much time is spend inside my own head instead of outside of it where it belongs.