Hey all,

It's been a while since I've made a post or logged in here. I've been doing pretty well. I did have one mental breakdown a few weeks ago but it blew over pretty quickly. That's a huge improvement from where I used to be. Anyways, I've been doing well and I still am. But I've got a new situation now which I figured I could use some input on.

In my past, I have met girls and jumped into a relationship really quickly. Even in the one case I knew the person for two years, I did not know them that well. Failed relationships seem to be built on rushing. And that's why, I am now trying something different. I am trying to take it slow, but I am fighting really hard against the impulsiveness within me. Trust is, I have no clue what slow is! How slow is too slow? I only know fast.

I have been getting to know this woman for a few months now. We met online but discovered we have A LOT in common. We have met in person twice and live a few hours drive away from one another but we both have cars. Things have been SO nice with her. It's really been all about building a connection which we both agree has been going very well. We have A LOT in common and seem to really understand each other and can make our way through minor annoyances. We haven't had an argument, so that's why I say minor annoyances. But those can turn into arguments and they didn't which is great. Both of us can communicate very well and are able to articulate and clarify what we are thinking and how we are feeling.

From the time we started speaking, we didn't even begin to discuss sex until about a week ago and then decided we would do so but take it slowly. And we did yesterday. It was unlike anything I ever experienced before because there was a connection built up prior. It wasn't about pleasure or the simple idea of "hey, I'm attracted to you, so let's do it." We really put some thought into it beforehand. So, while I've been with women before, I considered it to be my first time emotionally. In addition, she felt comfortable with me in that she was able to try things she had not done before. So, I think that further emphasizes the connection.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this girl. But NOW WHAT? Okay, so we've been getting to know each other. We've got a connection. We seem to get along well. We are on the same page about all of it. What happens now? Do I just let things keep progressing naturally or do I say something to her about maybe making it official? I'm terrified to honestly. Being in an actual relationship is A LOT of commitment. I put this in the BPD forum because I am having fear of abandonment issues already where I've been like "maybe I should be a jerk first and push her away so she can't hurt me." But I totally do not want to actually do so. I'm afraid of myself. And I'm afraid to get hurt. I have behaved differently in official romantic relationships than I would be right now. And if I am hurt, I've never dealt with it well. I am concerned that if I were to make things official with her, I would accidentally freak because I'm scared. And that if I got hurt, I'd go into a mental breakdown. BUT again, I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this girl. And I am experiencing things with her which I have not experienced in my life (I have been in and out of various relationships for 12 years). There aren't even any red flags! And I feel like this has SERIOUS potential. So I don't know what to do. Is after 3 months of getting to know each other still too fast to consider making it official? I don't want to scare her off. So...keep getting to know her and don't bring up how I'm feeling or risk it and tell/ask her?

Thanks!