I'm sorry you self harmed. I know it can be a substitute for not doing something worse, and I've definitely used it as such myself on occasion. Cutting can be really addictive so try and be careful. I often don't feel pain either when I'm cutting though it does hurt later. I guess its the endorphins or whatever that get pushed out into the system. I'm sorry you felt like you had to hurt yourself in order to be taken seriously. Keep talking here if it helps. We're listening. HUGS Kit