Thanks MsSunflower and Bill3. I think what I'm saying is that it might be helpful to experience someone else's healthy anger and try to tolerate that and learn from that. I've experienced a lot of unhealthy anger from others and I haven't learned how to tolerate that, I just dissociate. Former T tried to help with the expressing healthy anger but it just scared me and I would go away in my head. By drawing mandalas which my T suggested, I did get a memory back of what it was like before getting punished and I was able to tap into some feelings of sadness (though not anger) but I think that I might have to go through the sadness to get to the terror to get to the anger. I haven't cut yet. It's been 52 days. I'm working on it. The urges are strong but I have a PCP appointment at the end of the month and then my sister's kids are visiting at the beginning of August so I don't want to do anything that might lead to stitches. I'm trying to hang in there. I'm having lots of urges today but if I can get distracted enough I can get through them. HUGS Kit