Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer
I accomplished some important things today, but the ones I haven't show most as unaccomplished. I did go to the grocery store, but I totally forgot to look at this chalkboard my husband has on the chest freezer in the garage. That's where he puts his part of the grocery list. One of the items really needed to be purchased today. Whatever!
I took a full shower, including washing and conditioning my hair. The latter was way overdue. I'm wearing clean clothes, too. I did a little extra self-care, but it's rare that I do the full shebang.
I'm struggling a bit today with anger, frustration, a little intermittent anxiety, and brief tearfulness. In the grocery store, I caught sight of a platter painted with parrots on it. I really was struggling not to breakdown. At the deli counter I managed to get the slowest poke clerk possible. He was slooooooooooooow! I kept telling myself that he obviously has a disability and that I have to be patient. But when you're revved up with mixed feelings, it's tough. I was going to order two things, but stopped after the first. He didn't hear me, but in frustration I was talking to myself out loud. I wasn't really angry at the clerk helping me as much as another that refused to help me because apparently they don't allow two clerks to help the same customer. Because of that, the unoccupied clerk stood there doing nothing while I fumed. Other things annoyed me, too. I could go on and on.
I fully prepped dinner, but the kitchen is a mess again. I really would like to clean it up and spare my husband that task, for a change.
I wrote to my sister that I will not visit my father, at least for a while. Frankly, I do not wish to visit him while he's actively drinking. It's possible that may be for the rest of his or my life. I was thinking about going to Al-Anon this morning, but I totally forgot about it until hours later. I don't really like Al-Anon, but do wish I had support with that issue. I don't like 12 Step programs for various reasons, nor do I like the format of the particular Al-Anon meeting I'm referring to. Those things piss me off when I'm there.
If my father was just a happy or dazed drunk it would be one thing, but he is an obnoxious and inappropriate drunk. He knows that my siblings and I are frustrated and angry about his behavior. What really gets to us is that he often does things that equate to figurative middle fingers at us. He totally neglects all of us in favor of these alcoholic cronies and money suckers. He shows more respect to them than us. We can only take so much of that abuse. My siblings and I are all adults from late 40s to mid 50s. We're not going to take this.
I screen all of my phone calls nowadays.
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I love the smell of a clean body and clean hair!
I don't know why I put off showers as often as I do.
I did not accomplish much today; yet, it was more than I often accomplish.
I was trying to do some accounting and could not, for the life of me, do the math. Lol! I am a cognitive mess that way...right now, anyway.
It has to be very difficult, Bird Dancer, to watch your dad, as well as to take abuse from him. It is very strange to me, how addicts "buddy-up" with one another, yet rarely stand by each other if/when there is a crisis.
I'd hoped he would see the value in treating his family in a healthy way. I am sorry he does not seem to do so.
I have mentioned my dad and his alcoholism. I also had a brother.. my favorite brother...who was a severe alcoholic, too. What a nightmare. I had gone to AA with him for 6 months. He was such a terror, at times, I'd had to call the police and have him arrested. It was the safest thing to do, too often. It was all so very SAD and, often, infuriating. He and I had always remained on good terms. He has passed away due to liver damage and peritonitis. I was his healthcare "proxy" and I had to sign the papers giving the hospital permission to take him off of life support. He passed at 42 y.o. he'd left two young children. Very sad. He was, otherwise, such a loving, sensitive, wonderful guy. Once he had a drink... watch out! It was poisonous/toxic to him It was also toxic to anyone around him..
I hope your dad will get more help. Yet, I know it's very tough for many alcoholics to do so. If they get help, many go back to drinking. Very sad, indeed. Let's hope for the best and see what transpires.
It is very important that you do protect yourself to whatever degree you feel is best. It can be tough to do so; yet, it is super important, as often, alcoholics/addicts, in my experience, tend to deplete the energy of those around them.
What's for dinner?
Thinking of you and yours.
