Skipped the Seroquel last night. I heard my mom saying to my sister this morning that she got tested and was fine. But she was talking about her heart not getting worse. So I asked my sister is the lump on my moms breast not breast cancer? My sister said my mom still doesn't know yet.

What disappointment. God told me that I didn't praise him enough so he has to scare me again with not knowing.

Those are the types of conversations I have with God. He wants to kill me, my mom or my dad and he wants me to choose who first. And I'm not choosing.

It was much easier when I was an atheist. I still kind of am. I want to say "God isn't real". But I saw him on psychedelics.

Faith is so stupid. Why can't there be proof? I suppose that's the same reason we don't know what happens after death. Psychedelics just give us hints and the government doesn't want us to know fully.