Well, now it seems like you are not really looking to be abused but accept it since you are bi polar and at times difficult to understand and communicate with. That you seem to think you cannot do better and accept it.

Yet finally you seem to be thinking maybe you don't deserve the abuse at all, at least now.

I think you do not deserve the abusive relationships regardless of being bi polar or any other problem. I do hope you will work this out and be careful about getting into another relationship that is abusive. I hope you find a partner that wants a longtime relationship and is willing to work for that with you.