I don't mind sharing as long as it doesn't give away my identity. It is why I'm here, after all. So allow me to explain my situation in a bit more detail. So my parents have been divorced since I was around two. The court order was joined custody. (Or whatever it's called...) when I was around three or four, maybe five? My father married my former stepmother. Who was emotionally abusive until they divorced when I was thirteen.

And i close to my fourteenth birthday i lost my boyfriend (who i loved more than i could possibly say) to death. He was the one who let me be honest, he understood how angry and confused I was. He was the first one in years that didn't punish me for being open!

I dealt with grief on my own for almost a year now. I didn't have anywhere to turn. In this time I got into some trouble. Weeks after a lost him I wasn't completely honest with my former psychiatrist, I said I was suicidal but never explained why. I was hospitalized for ten days, and it didn't help, obviously, because it wasn't being approached correctly. My psychiatrist didn't know about my loss or the abuse. My family didn't know about my loss either.

The situation with my ex stepmother was really severe, I couldn't be what or who I wanted. I had no idea about social norms or what I wanted in life. All I knew was lying kept me out of trouble. Manipulation got my emotional needs met. Suddenly being thrown into a world with laws, expectations and a humane society was confusing and scary.

Unable to cope with my problems and adjust to fit social norms, I snapped. I became abusive with my parents. I fought with my mom to the point where I have as much authority as her, and if she tries to intervene I cut her right back down to size. I took it out on the dogs too, because i thought they were a lower life form to me.

I'm almost fifteen, my stepfather has a mother, (who lives in our new house) on death bed. She has a caretaker that comes around on week days to help her, but she acts like owns the place. I can't help but view her as petty and less important then me. My mom told me that I'm the first teen like myself she's ever met. That she's only seen others like me in murder documentaries. The ones that teens are locked up for years because of sociopathic behavior. I'm very intelligent, I knew exactly what she was thinking. I felt exposed, afraid, and threatened when she said that.

So despite what the court said, I risked my parents getting in trouble because I decided I didn't really love my mom so I stopped staying with her. I only come by to keep my insurance active.

I'm kinda hoping I might figure out how to manage my behavior on here as well as how to handle my family. So should I just keep pretending he doesn't exist? I honestly feel like he's a threat to me. For whatever reason. I'm really in need for advise at the moment, I don't want to be arrested. Are there any ways that I can feel less....well.... nothingness for him? Should I pretend I care about him? Should I try to understand him too?