I have been a sleep talker my entire life, ever since I was a little kid. I have an anxiety disorder and have done many sleep studies for my sleep talking. Turns out, I sleep talk to process information that I don't process when I'm awake. Simple as that. My sleep talking increases though with stress. Right now, I'm very stressed out b/c I'm trying to find a job before I run out of savings, and every morning I wake myself up sleep talking about my situation.
On some level, your relationship with your ex-girlfriend and the messy breakup hasn't been fully processed by you yet, or you wouldn't be sleep talking about it. I think, until you fully process that relationship and the issues that came with it, your sleep talking about it will continue. I can see why that would create some tension with your current girlfriend too.
And actually, you do have control over what you say when you are asleep to a certain degree -- it's always related to un-processed experiences, sleeptalking -- so your past relationship isn't resolved even though you claim you don't think about her, don't love her and don't want to be with her. On some deeper level, she is still in your thoughts. Maybe something about your current relationship is triggering you about your past relationship. There is a connection, or this wouldn't be happening. Maybe you are worried your current girlfriend will do the same thing that your ex did to you? 3 months is still very new, so your sleeptalking could be a symptom of your anxiety about where this new relationship is going, in comparison to how badly your previous relationship ended.
I'd suggest making an appointment with a sleep behaviorist aka cognitive therapist sleep doctor to discuss this problem. He or she will know exactly what's causing it. I can only make a guess. But I know that whenever I sleep talk, it's related to things I'm thinking about, or sometimes an issue from my past will pop up and I'll sleep talk about it. You can try writing down your thoughts before bedtime. You can also try journaling about your past messy breakup and help yourself just process all the negative emotions around that relationship. That may help decrease your sleeptalking about your ex. But the sleep doctor will know how best to help you.
Facts About Talking in Your Sleep | Sleep.org
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Some factors, including sleep deprivation, alcohol, drugs, fever, stress, anxiety, and depression can all lead to sleep talking. Typically, sleep talking is not considered something that requires treatment, unless a sleep mate is chronically disturbed by it. It may co-exist with other "parasomnias" such as night terrors, sleepwalking, and sleep apnea. While not common, sleep talking that starts after age 25 may be related to other medical issues.
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Sleep Talking | National Sleep Foundation
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Treating Sleep Talking
In general, no treatment is necessary. However, if sleep talking is severe or persists over a long period of time, talk to your physician or health care provider about the problem. There may be an underlying medical explanation for your sleep talking (e.g. an undiagnosed sleep disorder, or debilitating anxiety or stress).
Certain measures can be taken to reduce the likelihood of a sleep talking episode. Following regular sleep schedule, getting adequate amounts of sleep, and practicing proper sleep hygiene can help reduce the frequency and severity of sleep talking. Also refrain from alcohol, heavy meals, and excessive amounts of stress to reduce sleep talking.
For bed partners and roommates, earplugs or white noise (such as a fan) may help.
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