Dear T, I'm so glad I was able to tell you more or less what I wrote above. Thank you for texting such a kind and accepting response. I know I have found the perfect safe space to work through these difficult feelings and come to some sort of resolution with them when I'm ready to. I just wish that I didn't have to, I wish that I could be with you all the time and not have to do this work. But I know that you accept I'm feeling this way and it makes it easier to bear somehow.