I'm sorry, ss. It's a bit of a process, yeah? One step forward, one step back. Bt you have to believe that the process itself is important. There's a time for reflection, as awful as it seems at the time. Many people don't do that, and as a result don't grow. It's possible your friends don't take the time to reflect on themselves or their relationship with you.

You have to believe me when I say that there's nothing intrinsically unfriendly about you. If you've changed, for better or worse, then you can't expect to be in step with people who aren't. Our whole lives really just boil down to a search for companionship that's compatible with the person we are. If we change, so must the companions.

I'm not telling you to ditch your friends, or accept ditching from them. What I'm saying is that your relationship with you is more important than any external relationship. Get right with *you* first, accept yourself as the lovely person you are, and then figure out what to do with the friends who won't.

In case this seems incongruous or not particularly useful, I've had the same exact thoughts as you describe, particularly at the end of a day, when there's nothing left TO do but self-examine. I hated who I was, and even who I used to be. I didn't have a lot of reason to believe who I'd become would be any better. It took a long time (and is STILL taking a long time ), but you know, my friends like the comfortable, self-accepting version of me a lot better (when he makes an appearance), even the same friends I used to have.

If it gets too hard, come on PC and write a post. An outside, even disassociated perspective from strangers can often have a lot of value. For example, if I were feeling like I'm dominating a particular conversation, it might be plainly obvious to others that that wasn't the case, and my own mind is tricking me. In which case, what's the use in worrying about it.

I can't speak for everyone, but I think it's safe to say you're in our thoughts.

*hug*