I have just re-read the post of Streetcar... "your polyamorous lifestyle with the other woman is messing your family up and triggering your wife"
That is, actually, a quite harsh accusation. EVERYTHING triggered my wife, she managed to damage my older son through HER lifestyle including leaving me and telling my son (almost two years old at that time, 12 years ago) that I'm not his father anymore. 17 years of MY suffering, of being abused, de-valuated, attacked every day for not being able to approve all her lies before whomever she wanted to, including our children, daily shouting on and abusing of our children - that seems no problem to streetcar. She always did her abusing before the children, so they would learn that she is the commander, everyone must follow her or fell the pain.

But "the nanny" who never was a nanny, as she never took money and has been with my children all day long, 24/7/365, as their friend, and ours, was the first step for me and my children to become able to feel joy and happiness again. At least for some ours when my wife was not watching and trying to make everyone feel sad and bad.

And when my notorious lying wife kicked me out of my home to introduce the homeless as new father to my children, the ONLY reason why I could continue to be in contact with my children and help at least three of them to spend days of happiness and joy every second week is this "nanny".
The family was completely messed up before she came to us and now it is her who secures everything including our living and existence, in prospect to my children.

Now, after more than a year after being thrown out from my house, I start to understand the dimensions of abuse my children and I have been suffering by this notorious liar.
I can see how the children are depressed and confused after they spend a week with that person when they come back to us. As her children they love her and they cannot understand what is happening to them. No one who loves (or at least likes) this person can understand what is happening to him/her.

And no one is helping with this. But, it is so much better this way then when we have been all under the manipulative influence of this person, still called my wife.
Best wishes
David