I was in a similar situation as you've described. I knew there was someone else but I didn't know who he was. I had come to realize that missing time and other realities of my life were not things everyone experienced. So I made a commitment to talk to whoever this 'other' was for fifteen minutes every day for a month. I chose just before going to sleep. I was twenty-seven years old. The first night was challenging because I didn't know where to focus my attention. I wanted to talk to this 'him' whoever 'him was, but it felt like I was talking to myself. So, I grabbed a stuffed animal I had been given as kind of a gag going away gift a few months earlier and placed it in front of me - giving me something to focus my attention on.

Long story short, twenty-nine days came and twenty-nine days went and there was nothing. I felt pretty stupid talking (as it seemed) to myself. Then, on the last day, I was saying good-bye and talking good-naturedly about what a monumental waste of time this had been, said good night for the last time and turned out the lights. And then she screamed. I instantly knew that he was a she and that she was scared of the dark.

That was the beginning of the most important relationship of my life. I'm fifty-four now and so I've known her for twenty-seven years - exactly half my life. I just dedicated my second book to her. Anywho, since then, I've discovered three more alters and I have great relationships with all of them (although it wasn't always the case). That first method of discovery though was powerful. One last thing...perhaps I can save you some time...

It took a bit of time for us to go from us hating and resenting each other to us loving each other. Once I started treating her the way I would want to be treated, things got better. For instance, she was scared of the dark. How hard is it to get a nightlight for her? But I rebelled because I was a big, bad, black belt wearing combat vet - I wouldn't be caught dead with a night light. Once I recognized and allowed for her autonomy,, and respected our differences without taking it personally, things got way better in a hurry.