Hello Peter: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though you've had a lot of extremely difficult experiences in your life. You mentioned people saying we are here for a reason. Personally I don't believe that. To me that suggests there's someone higher up "pulling the strings", so to speak. I'm an atheist. I don't believe there's anyone "up there" pulling the strings & I don't believe we're here for any reason other than that our parents conceived us. And, while we're here, we just do whatever we do... hopefully good, but sometimes also bad or indifferent.

You asked if you wouldn't be doing everyone a favor by killing yourself when you could pay for your own funeral. To me that's just a decision you have to make. I can certainly see where if all a person's life is going to consist of is being in more bad wrecks, being shot, stabbed, shocked , & jumped perhaps a person might just decide it's all not worth sticking around for.

On the other hand perhaps a person might decide there could be a reason why they have had all of the bad experiences they've had. And then they might try to figure out what that reason might be & what they can do to turn their life around. (After all... it's the only one you're going to get.) Yes in order to get help you're going to have to pay for it unless you can qualify for some no-cost services. That's simply the way it is. Ultimately the choice is yours. Perhaps the fact that you've come here to PC asking the question you're asking suggests you're not ready to throw in the towel yet, as the saying goes? Perhaps what you're really looking for is a reason to go on...

Here are links to 5 articles on the subject of suicide prevention, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

10 Signs You May Be at Your Tipping Point

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.