We'd probably make a good team. You have good energy and you're smart. I have worked on similar projects and they make such a huge difference.

I know the feeling of being sensitive about having to leave work behind because of being ill. It doesn't sit well with me that I had to give it up due to mental illness. I wanted more time at home, but I had to walk away to take care of myself and it feels like I failed myself. I'd like to think I could go back now and handle things, but it is just too soon after my first episode to know what will happen. My husband and I just don't think it is a good idea to push myself for a while.

I miss stretching my skills though and I really miss my teams. I was fortunate to work with so many truly talented and amazing people. I was consulting in my last job and I was honest with my employer about why I needed to leave. They were very shocked because I never displayed any signs of illness at work. My episode came on fast over a weekend and it was difficult for them to understand how I could become so ill so fast. I honestly don't understand either, but I am grateful they never had to deal with my manic state or psychosis. They told me I could come back any time I wanted to in the future and that I should consider myself part of their 'family'. That was nice to hear. I don't know if I could ever go back there though. I still feel so ashamed of myself. I'm trying to let that go, but I guess that's the deal for a perfectionist who crashed hard.

I'm glad you shared these talents about yourself. You should be proud of them even if it is hard to talk about. I don't talk much about how I feel about work, but I felt safe here amongst friends. In a way, we're kind of like one of the teams I miss working with. Amazingly talented people working together to solve difficult problems. Lifting each other up to help each other climb a different kind of ladder.