Hi...things have become ugly. My wife insists my children are horrible. She demands that they not be around her, refuses to be in the same car or same room and blames them for the horrible atmosphere in the home. They are both under 10 and seem to be respectful in general with occasional bouts of childish behavior.

Years ago they both exhibited behavior that was not acceptable. This was dealt with and we work on it DAILY. I communicate with them about issues related to respect and family cooperation. I have removed them from the interaction with the rest of the family. But I do NOT feel that their behavior warrants the way she treats them. A tantrum years ago by one child and the other being disrespectful to her older child has been held against them and ME ever since. NO matter what I do or how often I remind them of how to be a respectful part of the family and how they should work to become better humans with kindness and cooperation...the changes for the better are never acknowledged by my wife.

My kids HAVE been difficult when they were younger...they do exhibit negative behaviors that their birth mom has inherent to her personality and family history. That being said...I have educated and discussed how those behaviors(mom's) will become negative traits for the kids if we don't work on it together. We talk all the time...I remind them daily and they seem to attach to the theories and the reasoning behind WHY they need to change. They appear to adhere to the logic behind the problems.

NOW...they also see that my wife is ignoring them. They ask what they did to make her mad. They try to connect with her and cooperate with the house and interact with her children. They seem to understand that peace in the home is a priority to both my wife and myself. They are continually confused that when they act as I have asked them to (cooperative, kind, helpful etc) they get no positive response from her. I ask that they treat others the way they want to be treated. I feel like there has been a significant success in the right direction. My wife insists their existence only destroys our home environment.

She insists they are not welcome in our home and avoids them at every opportunity. She won't be in the same car, won't share meals or even sit in the same room.

She blames me for my lack of control as a father and insists I am steamrolled by them while I put them and their needs before hers. I feel liike I give her lots of attention and express love and appreciation. She refuses to acknowledge my efforts. But then says they have improved but it's just not enough nor will it be enough because they are "just like their ***** mother".

It seems like my efforts keep falling on deaf and unappreciative ears. I don't know how to make her happy. She insists they cannot be in our home. I cannot, nor do I want to stop being a dad. They ARE good kids and are getting better. IF it's not one thing...it's another.

When they are around...my wife and I don't even speak. And she is ok with that. I don't insist she LOVE them...but I do expect she be kind and treat them with some degree of respect...at least treat them like she would treat ANY other child, in the neighborhood, at church, at family functions...but she refuses.

She keeps pointing out how unhappy she is and that it's because of them when they are around and because of me when they aren't. I'm trying to figure out a solution. But am having what seems to be an impossible time.

I've read book after book, gone to counseling on my own. She refuses to read due to lack of time. She went to a therapist with me to a couple of meetings and then blew up citing slow cadence and ridiculous conversation.

Now she insists she cannot put up with them at all and is done with my disrepectful behavior with regard to her demands. Her Anxious and Avoidant attachment style gives me some element of hope IF I hold out long enough but also suggests she will continue the anger and aggressive behavior with me and worse with the kids.

Thoughts on how to keep my kids in my life and keep my marriage together? I love her and want it to work but I don't think I should have to make that choice.

#mywifehatesmykids,#avoidantattachmentstyle,#anxio usattachmentstyle